Jon Stewart Jokes That the More Karoline Leavitt Lies, the Bigger Her Cross Gets
President Donald Trump’s second istration is already starting to lose key figures less than six months into the term, but White House Press Secretary Karoline Leavitt is going to stick around for as long as her neck can the weight of her cross necklace.
Just as Trump’s first White House featured a revolving door of politicians, insiders and favored business associates accepting and then leaving high-level positions on a seemingly weekly basis, so, too, is the President’s second attempt at keeping a stable of obedient cronies showing leaks in the ship. On Sunday night, controversial tech magnate Elon Musk confirmed his departure from the newly formed Department of Government Efficiency, which lost its first co-head Vivek Ramaswamy before it even existed. Musk's exit comes just months after calling himself Trump’s “first buddy” as he accompanied the president on the campaign trail.
Don't Miss
But while certain high-profile staffers may strain and break under the pressure of the President’s demands, Daily Show host Jon Stewart predicts that Leavitt, the youngest White House Press Secretary in our country’s history, will have no problem weathering the daily storms of the Trump istration. “The only one who’s going to come out of there unscathed is Press Secretary Karoline Leavitt,” Stewart opined of Trump’s White House during tonight’s episode of The Daily Show. “Because I don’t think that she has any principals in there left to die!”
The Daily Show played a montage of Leavitt heaping hyperbolic praise on the President’s virtues, honesty, transparency and incorruptibility that would make a North Korean news anchor blush, closing on Leavitt’s ludicrous reprimand of the White House press corps as she told the room full of journalists, “It’s frankly ridiculous that anyone in this room would even suggest that President Trump is doing anything for his own benefit.”
“That’s all he’s doing!” Stewart exploded, then adding of Leavitt on a calmer note, “By the way, I think that the more she lies, the bigger her cross gets. Is that possible? It’s like some sort of weird pinocchio cross.”
Considering that Trump’s net worth ballooned by an estimated $2.9 billion during his first 100 days in office, Leavitt should be rocking a crucifix the size of Trump's golden toilet right about now. However, Stewart clarified, the blame shouldn’t be on the messenger for the Trump istration’s bald-faced lies and open corruption. “I’m not even upset with this lady,” Stewart said of Leavitt. “Because just rolling with the punches is clearly the only strategy for happiness when you’re working for Trump.”
“Trump’s very open secret has always been: He doesn’t believe in or care about any policy issue at all,” Stewart stated. “He wants attention, he wants his ego stroked, and he wants money. He wants fuckwads and fuckwads of money.”
But Stewart is leaving out one of the most important rules of the Trump White House, one which Leavitt clearly understands very well: The women all have to be blonde, decked out in gold and willing to do anything Trump tells them to do in exchange for a few fuckwads of their own.
