12 Real News Items That’ll Make You Wish You Could Go Off and Start Your Own Planet, Mormon-Style
You’re about the read the most Kardashian thing to ever happen, and the most Australian thing to ever happen.
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A Bunch of Kindergarteners Got Drunk at School
A little kid brought in Jell-O shots and handed them out to a few classmates, who were then transported to a hospital to ensure they could party safely.
Cyborg Cockroaches Are Getting More Advanced
Science has become obsessed with piloting cockroaches with tiny electronic backpacks, and a new development allows them to be steered like a car by shining ultraviolet light into either their right or left eye. They hate light and will move away from it.
A Gene-Edited Spider Produced Fluorescent Silk
CRISPR technology was used to add a red silk gene to a batch of spider eggs, creating the world’s first genetically edited spider silk.
A Dog Drug Is Getting Fast-Tracked for Kids
An immune therapy for dogs with bone cancer has proven so successful, researchers are hopeful that it’ll work in humans too, and are getting ready to begin clinical trials in children.
Someone Bought Abe Lincoln’s Death Gloves
The pair of leather gloves that Lincoln wore to Ford’s Theater were sold at auction for $1.5 million.
A 24-Year-Old Competed in a Teen Soccer Tournament (Allegedly)
A 24-year-old was charged with felony forgery after faking his identity, posing as a 17-year-old and competing in a youth soccer tournament.
An Australian Guy Had to Fight Off a Flood and a Kangaroo at the Same Time
While stopped at a flooded road, a man was charged by a kangaroo from 90 feet away. They got into a fistfight, then the ‘roo kicked him into the floodwater and started trying to drown him, which is their signature move. The guy survived but was pretty freaked out: “I just being under water and kicking and screaming and carrying on.”
Kim Kardashian’s and Jennifer Aniston’s Fish Spunk Facials
The two stars have popularized a horrifying new skincare treatment: microinjections of DNA fragments derived from salmon sperm.
Your Teeth Are Sensitive Because the First Ones Were on the Outside of the Body
New evidence has emerged that backs a bizarre hypothesis: The organs we know as teeth started out as scales on the outside of sea creatures that evolved to sense heat, cold and pain.
A Bunch of Bones That Washed Up in New Jersey Belonged to a 19th-Century Ship Captain
Skeletal remains that were found on New Jersey beaches between 1995 and 2013 have been confirmed as belonging to the captain of a ship called The Oriental, which sank in 1844.
12 Skeletons Fell Out of a Church Wall
The walls of a 15th century Portuguese church collapsed, and the bones of at least 12 different people came rattling out. They’ve been dated to the 16th through 19th centuries.
A Guy’s Weird Romantic Request Was Interpreted in an Even Weirder Way
While on vacation, a British man asked hotel staff to spread out a bunch of potato chip bags on the bed to surprise his wife. When they entered the room, they found the bed covered in a greasy mound of bagless chips.
