29 of the Funniest Things People Did Because They Were Horny

‘I can’t be the first guy to do that’
29 of the Funniest Things People Did Because They Were Horny

No one has done anything intelligent while they were horned up. Even the finest thinkers throughout history could be reduced to babbling idiots if their fancy was properly tickled.

Many of Reddit’s self-proclaimed geniuses know something about this, and regaled each other with stories about the times they were down bad — both sexually and dating her for three months, but now that he knows about “squatter’s rights” and the court process involved in forcing someone to leave your home, he’s learned a lesson he’ll never forget. As such, he’s become even smarter. 

Of course, that isn’t the dumbest thing someone did because they were horny — plenty more regrettable tales of aroused idiocy await you, including a strip-tease role reversal, a few cases of frostbite and a coconut legend.

spxdergirl . 2y ago 00 Paid $2 for a massage app on my xbox that was supposed to make my controller vibrate. It didn't do anything for me and I forgot to refund it so now I just have this random ass massage game in my library.
StebroisDeaf . 2y ago Called my friend's mom mommy.
BusinessFamous1237 2y ago Paid for a porn subscription that I didn't realize I was still paying for until 1.5 years later. $1135 for one orgasm.
No-Tailor5120 2y ago Edited 2y ago when i was a kid my dad would frequently take me to his job and give me meaningless tasks to help him out. he was a property manager for a secure gov building, federal guards at the doors etc. anyways he had his office in the basement and was left alone down there by everyone else in the building, he would smoke cigarettes down there, blast music etc. when i was 13 i went with him to work one day and he gave me the job of using an electric sander to take grime
ZippyVonBoom e 2y ago . Edited 2y ago Discovered my dick is too big for a prescription bottle Edit: I would like to clarify that the girth was the limiting factor as I did not attempt flaccid.
: 2y ago Tried to choke my self with a towel. Woke up in a hospital with my mum beside me.
SomugaienParfu . 2y ago I went to a clothing optional beach once, expecting to see a lot of topless sunbathing. Instead I learned the hard way that its populated by wrinkly old men with big bellies and small dicks. I thought, maybe all the ladies are hiding further up the beach where the bushes can cover them from all the stares. Turns out that's where the old men suck each other off.
Tasty-Layer-7506 2y ago 0 Edited 2y ago Drove 4 hours to the beach to camp with a fuck buddy of mine. Не stood me up and ghosted me. The icing on the cake was losing my keys in the sand and having to pay $300 for a new set to be cut. Edit: Yes, my new key really cost that much. It was a '16 Jeep, and those stupid little chips are needed to make your key actually turn over the engine. So all of that was the cost of the key, programming the key, and the labor for the
colcunnilingus . 2y ago Bailed a chick out of jail once. $200. She then got so drunk she peed on my couch and tried to bang my mom Took her shopping and just left her there. Never talked to her again.
CanadianCanuk 2y ago Underage, many years ago me and my current wife were very little horney people. We used to go have sex under this highway under a little off the beaten path because our parents were always home. Well it was also near a community Center type building. One day when we were walking through the woods to get there someone thought they seen a man abducting a child. (My wife has always been very short). Yes it was me. We are the same age just have a crazy height difference and I have had a beard from a
raibsta . 2y ago Paid for some chicks private Snapchat for a week. $20 wasted. Should've ordered a pizza instead.
. 2y ago I accidentally locked my girlfriend and I outside her family's cabin while we were naked with 3ft of snow around us. We were going skinny dipping in their hot tub and forgot to bring our clothes outside with us, so I had to run about 100 feet buck- naked through 3 feet of snow to get back in the front door.
chewytime 2y ago Edited 2y ago Several years back, a woman I had been flirting with called me in the middle of the night one time bc she wasn't feeling well and asked if I could pick up some medicine and bring it to her place. Went to her place not expecting too much other than maybe earning some brownie points for dropping off the meds. Anyway, she invites me in and asks if I could spend the night with her. That of course gets me all titillated. However, by the time we get into bed, she's all tired and
CaptainChaos00 . 2y ago Let a chick I was dating move in after only 3 months of being together. Found out 2 months later that she was having another guy over while I was working nights. Confronted her about it and she proceeded to squat (refused to leave) in my apartment for nearly 6 months due to laws not allowing me to remove her on my own. Ended up having to take her to court to finally get her out.
alwaysmyfault . 2y ago Where's that guy that fucked a coconut? I feel like we need him in this thread. - Share 16K ... wwmelww 2y ago I have vivid nightmares about that to this day
Novel-Persimmon7752 . 2y ago Paid $1200 for a private room at hustler in Vegas, threw the strippers a wild card and said... y'all sit down while I strip for you.... Wtf was I thinkin
Mikael7529 . 2y ago Paid 3$ for the nudes to Snapchat girls. Never got any, blocked instantly upon paying. And the worst thing is I did that FOUR times. God, being horny literally lowers your IQ by like 70%
StevenArviv . 2y ago . Edited 2y ago I was talking about this the other day LOL. I once walked 3 miles at 2am during a snow storm in -3 degree (+ a serious windchill) temperatures when my girlfriend called and said that her parents were gone for the weekend. The things a horny 16 year old kid will do to get laid. LOL
kgold0 . 2y ago Many years ago I had one of those abdominal wraps that is supposed to exercise your abs by sending small electrical shocks to cause involuntary contractions. Tried it on another area and didn't really feel like anything except little non-painful shocks. But still pretty dumb. Thankfully I didn't sterilize myself.
MyAuralsViolet . 2 2y ago I banged a Halloween decoration. It had no teeth. I can't be the first guy to do that.
Ramon80589 . 2y ago I browsed porn and then | asked my mom how to delete the history.
BigFatPapaBear . 2y ago Lost my entire tax refund and got my phone stolen at a strip club in San Diego
hannlouiseols . 2y ago Let my (ex) boyfriend dry-hump me for an hour on a bench outside after summer school. The bad news: this bench behind our school was also beside a swimming pool. Where parents were taking their children for swim lessons. Eventually a staff member came out and yelled at us for being inappropriate. I still have shame flashbacks today, over 10 years later.
euesquecimeunome 0 2y ago Was trying to get with a girl in college. We were texting and I asked her what she was up to, she said she was training for a marathon and going to the gym and asked if I wanted to come. I ended up running 9 miles before I tagged out. So now I know how far I'd go to get laid, it's up to 9 miles.
Just_Seaweed_760 . 2y ago My boyfriend's sister slept with a couple guys she met on Craigslist. I thought it was hilarious that she was finding guys off the same site you'd find a moldy lawn couch for $50. One guy she hooked up with waited for her to fall asleep after the deed and then stole her car. I thought for sure she'd learn her lesson after that and stop hooking up with guys off Craigslist. But a couple months later she hooked up with another guy that stole her PlayStation lol.
RealNCRranger . 2y ago I accidentally put myself in debt by fucking my former ant on his desk and mes papers. It got cleared up, but it was an awful week and a half.
golfnickol . 2y ago Forgot the Bluetooth was connected to the family speaker.
dang2543 2y ago I was banned from using a particular bus company. That answer the question
berkeleyjake 2y ago Edited 2y ago Died my hair black. My roommate was doing it and the girl helping him was redonkulously hot. She came into the living room and told me, We have some extra dye, | think you would look hot with black hair. I looked at her in that lime green tube top and said, That sounds like a GREAT idea! I found out I was allergic to hair dye when, 3 days later, my head swelled up and I looked like that orc general that attacked Minas Tririth in Return of the King with a full

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