John Mulaney Proclaims That He Used to Be ‘America’s Virgin Boyfriend’
Thirteen years ago, the Tumblr generation decided that John Mulaney was the funniest and most adorable man in the world whom nobody believed would have genitals. Today, his reputation is diiiifferent.
In tonight’s episode of Everybody’s Live with John Mulaney, the stand-up superstar, bizarro late-night host and popular tabloid topic closed out the first season of his experiment in strangeness with an evening focused entirely on teens’ issues. Hosting one of his writers’ 16-year-old babysitter on his couch and an entire student section in the live studio audience, Mulaney used the final episode of Everybody’s Live for the foreseeable future to reach out to a younger audience, just as he unintentionally did when New in Town became every artsy high schooler’s favorite comedy special back in 2012.
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While addressing the dozens of underaged audience during his opening monologue, Mulaney gave himself a moniker that was all-too-fitting, shouting at the confused children, “They are so young, they are not even aware of my old public persona! I was America’s virgin boyfriend, you see? Ask your mother!”
Now, before any of the high schoolers who may or may not have even known who Mulaney is before tonight go running to their parents, it’s important to ask them: Does your mom have any ornate custom lampshades in the house? If so, then she might still be mad at Mulaney for his highly publicized divorce from multimedia artist Anna Marie Tendler, which, in conjunction with his infamous drug problem, was responsible for the drastic shift in public image that led to him fighting three children live on streaming earlier tonight.
If this first season of Everybody's Live accomplished anything for Mulaney’s career beyond introducing him to a diverse and eclectic group of guest artists who still aren’t sure what the show is about, the surreal late-night series put the final nail in the coffin of “America’s Virgin Boyfriend.” Ever since Mulaney’s Emmy-winning special Baby J first dropped in 2023, his fandom has been grappling with the fact that there’s no going back to how things were before his tumultuous 2020, and the last 12 Wednesday nights have surely chased out any remaining stragglers who were holding out hope for a return to some cutesy Law & Order impressions to replay ad infinitum while they pasted his GQ pictures on their bedroom wall.
