36 of the Funniest Tweets from Thursday, May 29, 2025

‘So apparently it’s still ‘shoplifting’ even if you’re the birthday girl’
36 of the Funniest Tweets from Thursday, May 29, 2025

The Gang has done its best to dodge any meaningful changes Rob McElhenney and Kaitlin Olson have taken a much different approach in their personal lives. 

The “his-n-hers plastic surgery addictions.” “I love Kaitlin so much but she genuinely looks like an entirely different person,” a fan commented, while another recounted their double-take upon seeing the photos. “I truly didn’t know who I was looking at omg,” they joked

John Mulaney has also become unrecognizable over the past few years, transforming from a clean-cut, good-guy comedian to a late-night host who just how much he’s changed over the past few years. “They are so young, they are not even aware of my old public persona!” he said of his pubescent combatants. “I was America’s virgin boyfriend, you see? Ask your mother!”

We won’t be asking our moms about Mulaney’s ex-heartthrob status, but we may show them these hilarious tweets, the best of which include those about this century’s Salem witch trials, wearing your spreadsheet on your sleeve and a unique way to pronounce “faux pas.”

S mr. goodnightale @gn2ale 18h ... we really took the pregenerative Al times for granted DE as Our Food Speaks For Itself Hello 5 436 10K 93K
O ... celica! @genderatio 19h they should build a massive city right here in all 4 states just to make the most nightmarish legally fucked istrative region in the country UT со AZ NM 137 1.5K 32K 415K
Anne Chovy @AnneChovy2.16h G ... she seems fun 25 1K 28K 352K
G a @aallleeexxxxxx1 · 16h ... i am done drinking alcohol. if i ever drink again it will only be because i want to or feel like it 9 1.8K 20K 310K
patrick @redford 12h ... he just told the bitcoin conference you are the betsy ross of today A HOUSE O midnight Quantum ZEEBU B Bitcoin MAYOR RIC ADAM vor of 96 1.2K 38K 4
lee @tetraphidopsida May 28 ... I got diagnosed with cancer six weeks after the make a wish cutoff. I just need everyone here to know that. I could have met the tortoise at Auckland ZOO with one testicle but instead I turned 20. 53 1.1K 61K 683K
sarina @sariverse 22h ... my nineteen year old sister on being single I like people but im just too funny and destined for greatness I enjoy being alone Dont let them clip your wings queen 37 3.1K 29K del 373K
@imagesaico... 19h s ... Images AI Could Never Re... III OUR BEST BITES HOME 7 RECIPES COURSE >> MAIN DISHES » BURGERS, How to Make the Perfect Grilled Cheese JUMP TO RECIPE 67 Comments April 24, 2024 Author: Kate Jones This post may contain  links. Read our disclosure policy. I never really had the grandparent experience. My mom's parents both died in a car accident long before I was born and 1 89 1K del 19K
maxwittert @waxmittert. 15h ... Today was one of those magical days in New York City, where I stayed in my apartment for 41 hours and then had a horrible phone call 2 43 1.6K 26K
@imagesaico... 21h G ... Images Al Could Never Re... Man With All The Answers  feltywin Domestic Short Hair Austin, TX Adult Male Large 15 1.9K 26K 438K
horse dentist @equine_dentist . 14h G ... white boy... White Boy Why.. 21 2.1K 21K 321K
mina G ... @cvntlave May 27 me waiting for my friend to realize that i stole their phone: 163 9.4K 115K del 1.5M
s ... bjöbilia pérez @neruda_bro 13h I keep scrolling past these people and thinking it's about a fierce transition dot @tdreamsoutloud - May 28 Parody  This thing cheated on Liz... ladies you are never the problem 26 736 22K 459K
chatpile roan @lornashawty . May 28 ... so apparently it's still shoplifting even if you're the birthday girl 10 406 6K del 56K
The Notorious J.O.V. @whotfisjovana 17h O ... I have no idea why I'm so anxious.. Week Day SCREEN TIME SHOW THIS WEEK Last Week's Average 14h 28m C 12% from last week 20h avg 10h Social Entertainment 45h 59m 38h 47m Information & Reading 4h 6m FINAL DESTINATION Total Screen Time 101h 17m CLGODLINES Updated today at 12:05 PM UNIVER THEATERS M AY / 6 ILMEX FOR IMAX @thefilmmemes nuc Diet Coke Coke 188 13K 148K del 3.2M
meghan @deloisivete . 23h ... The most professional I have ever been in my entire life is when someone pronounced faux pas as FUPA on a call and I kept my face neutral 16 298 8.3K 75K
С @skrewedupangel . 1 19h ... the birria pandemic was crazy they was doin anything with that shit 57 1.9K 15K 299K
marq @sugarsmorecake 22h ... When I'm in a wasting ink competition and my opponent prints out the individual frames of a GIF: 0:20 54 11K 120K del 2M
star @stxrinsky . 1 13h O ... r/Chipotle 33m Chipotle burrito compared to water bottle (size 6 an a half for reference) - you SEMS 24 84 comments If I was on death row this would be my last meal 243 43 5K 187K
Jane Dashley @JaneDashley 21h ... I've accidentally oversold the concept of goblins to my toddler. Told him they come out in the dark, now he always wants me to turn off the lights and pretend there are goblins around us. We were at a bbq this weekend and he started trying to get everyone hyped up on goblins... 13 324 9.7K 120K
Dolly @DollyMollyF - . 22h ... Ubers really used to be $3 247 5.6K 44K 1.9M
mia @mia11112233.23h ... this would look so good with purple LED strip lights Christa Sydney @christasyd May 27 Conclaving too close to the sun I saw this pic and thought Wow, room inspo. It's Padre Pio's room. 4 256 9.7K del 165K
pluuno @pluuuno May 27 ... getting accused of using Al when you didn't is like this century's version of a witch allegation 178 34K 248K 2.8M
Renike @iamrenike 21h ... Just go home naked. Shave your head too. Mani D @ohthtsskay May 26 i'm at this mf house tryna figure out why its so many ladybugs in the bed???? 744 11K 195K del 10M
G Sgt Blackout @coldcallsniper 18h ... They say wear what you love right? Layout utfit y Insert Page Layout Form Review View U Develop Help EH 11 as Geeksoutfit A A ab Wrapen Font Center fo a E в , U A Merg nter erge A Font Alignment F E B E D 157 910 19K 1.5M
Maryellen Stewart @maryellen . 23h ... I've had an eBay store for 14 years and have sold 1016 items from my closet and I'm shocked that it took this long for someone to message me, Hi. has this bodysuit been worn? and I said no, and they be worn? ABC baby, always be closing 7 91 5.7K 65K
vanessa @thyhighs 15h ... my grandma doesn't have a job why am i getting flamed Mom Invitaciones impreses KARY twin Mom Focus in career first please 80 4.8K 130K del 1.6M
Ricky @SolarDesire 19h ... It was just my bachelors degree Ricky @SolarDesire 19h DID MY LORDE MERCH ARRIVE????? 5 50 2.1K del 50K
alex turntine @turntineforwhat - 14h ... I never realized how crazy the end of the year is for teachers. My sweetest most reserved student is now turning tf up. I told her it was time for math and she threw a book at my head like a frisbee 11 148 7.1K 66K
summer @LLSENEUMANN - 16h O ... me on dress to impress ale-shauna's evil vizier | ... @Myrtenaster... . 19h day 1 of removing a feature from ella purnell until she's unrecognizable 891 19K del 249K
lucile desmoulins Q @daringlucile . 18h ... fondly ing a time a few years ago ... we were all in the backyard, my husband turned on the leaf blower and promptly blew a live frog out of it onto our middle daughter's face 16 197 7K 49K
gromithead @gromithead May 28 ... someone was capitalising the start of every sentence and every proper noun and i was like oh a typing quirk! 69 1.4K 39K del 611K
Brittany Luse @bmluse . 22h ... cafe by me got a new barista who cannot make drinks or follow any directions from coworkers, but he smiled at each customer the way my husband did to me on our wedding day. every drink got fucked up, but everyone in there today was in love. aura x1000. cant hate the player! 24 864 31K 355K
Images Al Could Never Re... @imagesaico... 15h s ... 18 NSFW Breaking out the 80 Aniversario to celebrate my son! 80 ANVERSARIO 8 13 107 2.3K del 33K
@desusnice . 15h Desus MF Nice 100 ... nathan fielder getting an hbo check to maybe murder 150 ppl is kinda the dream tbh 7 86 2.3K 80K
s ... marla @starvingmarl . 1 15h so its inside now marla @starvingmarl 1.16h I CAME HOME FROM WORK AND THERES A PIG AT MY FRONT DOOR?? 1.4K 14K 236K 5.6M

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